Cultivating My Inner Community?

Wow! This March energy has been intense. I don’t remember the last time I’ve felt so much anger and impatience moving through me! No surprise really because the early March forecast was about anger and boundaries and the importance of choosing our community. And of course it’s spring energy….

Now this mid-march we are called to dial it in. Literally. Outer reflects inner. What’s happening around us is a reflection of what is happening within us. If you experience outer conflicts, there are inner conflicts happening as well. Now is the time to cultivate the inner community: of thoughts, of loving awareness, of practices of self loving kindness. It's about tending to our internal dialogue, if we are ever to create a loving outer community. One guides the other.

I wrote earlier in the month that anger is most often a secondary emotion. It is there to quickly grab the attention (which it does!). It is designed to show us a deeper discomfort, and to ultimately help us to heal and grow; to ask what is underlying this feeling, and what needs do we have that aren’t being met?

Now Anger might not be your word, or feeling. It could be frustration, or impatience, or resentment, or whatever that chronic feeling is that’s coming up very easily for you these days.

To work with this, we stay with the feeling, rather than reacting from it. Action has to wait until we understand what’s really going on. There is no place for judgement here. We invite grace and compassion into our moment by moment lives to help us unpack it. We must put down the resentments, bitterness, blame, etc by inviting them into the party, loving on them, identifying our needs, meeting them, and then letting go of the rest.

So check the pulse of your inner ‘friends’ aka hidden thoughts/beliefs and you will know if they can stay to advise you in your community, or if you need to jettison the relationship.

Example.

I feel angry.

I take a moment and notice that underneath I feel 'taken for granted'.

I have a thought that says ’ I should do more…..’

My pulse reading says ‘that feels like emptying my own tank’.

The need is: ‘I need to take a break and put myself first.’

I choose to set a boundary around my time because my mental health matters.

I let the thought go along with any judgement, or anything else that may be attached to it.

I give myself a hug and share the personal boundary with whomever needs to hear it.

OR

I feel impatient.

I take a moment and notice that underneath it I feel overwhelmed.

I have a thought that says: ‘I have too much to do!’

My pulse reads ‘I feel taken for granted’.

The need is: ‘I need more time to myself.’

I choose to say ‘NO’ to some of the items on my to do list.

I share this personal boundary with whomever needs to hear it (including me!).

OR

I feel nervous performing a new task.

I take a moment and notice I feel excited underneath this.

My pulse reads ‘this feels enlivening!’

The need is: to explore further.

I choose to make more time for it in my schedule.

Fostering this internal intentional community requires courage, compassion, discipline and no small share of forgiveness. Seeing the ways we have hurt ourselves and made ourselves smaller to fit in can be quite painful.