• Rachel Milne

There is no Shame in an Apology

I've been feeling the need to apologize lately. For being unskillful in my communication with others. I haven't been using my emotional guidance system, I haven't been listening to myself and what I really need. In short, I've been short. I've been outwardly expressing my inner emotions. I haven't been sitting with the wisdom my feelings have to offer me. I've been acting them out towards those closest to me, those I love most.


Whoa. Humbling to say the least. And yet so empowering to own it. I can turn things around!


But I didn't always feel this way. When I was younger I used to think that apologizing meant that I was wrong, which meant I was bad and should feel ashamed of my actions, of myself. Talk about an ouch! I put myself down for acknowledging where I tripped up, where I didn't know how, or was unable to express myself in a skillful way.


I believe apologies are not something for us to be ashamed, or embarrassed about. No! What courage, what tenacity, to stand up of our own volition and say ' I made a mistake'. That takes guts. That takes vulnerability. And sometimes an apology is the best you can offer. Even knowing it doesn't change anything for the 'wronged' party...and yet it changes so much for us. Ultimately, apologies are all about us. What do I need to express my heart's truth? How can I treat myself with love and compassion and the other party as well?


Apologizing, sincerely, .... takes courage, and vulnerability, and conviction. Its a willingness to acknowledge a role in one's pain and take responsibility for it; to right a wrong, to correct an oversight, or a short sight, or quite simply a mistake. If we can approach an apology with compassion, with grace, with hope for a new beginning, with a willingness to learn, we can change our lives, our relationships, and ultimately the world. And hey, how could that be wrong?


Over to you: Is there an apology you've been waiting to give? Or is there one you are waiting to receive? And if so, how would your life be different if you gave, or received it?

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